you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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