some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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