Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
