Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
