The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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