Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
