I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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