you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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