I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im holly from the hills drunk
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
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Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
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This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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