i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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