Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
