I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The best revenge is premature balding
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
