Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
