We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
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Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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