I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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