i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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