oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
