there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
