doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
