mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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