Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
