Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My friends, they love my intelligence
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
