cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
