I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
