i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
