So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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