Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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