i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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