So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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