I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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