It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I love having hate sex.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
