It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
