Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
