4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize