first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
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What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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