Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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