ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
