I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
