The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
