well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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