Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
