Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
