i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
