This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
