Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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