So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
