I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
