i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
