You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
