U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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