I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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