i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
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Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm really busy with my period
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