I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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