It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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