i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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