oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
