So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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