Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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