Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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