I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
