I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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